Today I was surrounded by many emotions. It is always difficult being in the emergency room. Even though you are not the one on the stretcher your heart is always sinking and your fear grows stronger with each passing hour. Your mind begins to wonder and the questions become more frequently. You can’t stop but fear the worst but at the same time be the positive voice for all that surrounds you. The things you witness can crush you or make you stronger.

You see people come in with their loved ones at the same time as you and you keep an eye on them in the hopes that what ever brought them in can be repaired and you can watch them leave. You give your comforting smiles and show of hope so they know they are not alone. It’s a scary time for all but for the patients on the beds it’s a scary kind of fear.

We were on our 6^th hour in the ER when the horrible screams from three curtains away began to cut through all our hearts. The screams of pain, loss of faith and loss of hope that this would pass was felt through the entire unit. One woman dropped while others tried to lift her and console while all crying themselves. The words mama, mama NO were chilling and the sound of life you heard through the monitor turn into silence of life taken was heart breaking. The staff moved quickly but no matter how much they could help the fact that their mother was gone was final. The unit from that moment on was different. I looked away from the person sitting in front of me for a while because I couldn’t face her. Thoughts came to mind and it was killing me. I knew that I would NEVER be ready for a moment like that. I couldn’t look away any longer so I looked right in front of me to the most amazing woman I have ever seen, my mom. Tears filling her eyes as mine and we just stared. It was a chilling moment. I just looked at my mom and couldn’t NO I wouldn’t imagine a day without her. It really was a moment of no words only tears, feelings and sadness.

At that moment, I looked at my sister who was also lying on the bed with a look of fear and sadness. When something like that happens as you lay on the bed curtains away your emotions are turned up. You just want to get out of there. It’s times like these when your faith is tested. We can only be as strong as our heart allows.

Today, all day, was a difficult one and although we are back home there is more to come. For right now, I am thankful for the strength we had that brought us home. I am thankful for the family and friends that were with us in spirit along the way.

I watched life begin and life taken away all in a day. I saw family pull together and embrace each other to prepare for the journey ahead.

We are all tested in our own ways. It’s not what gets us down that will matter. It is what will bring us back to our feet that will make us stronger and help us walk further.

Although I can not erase those screams and that moment from my memory I can try to remember the moment that I looked in to your eyes and knew you were still here right in front of me and that will last me longer than those screams.