The stares in the mirror

As you get older you notice the stares in the mirror get longer. You realize that time is taken a toll on you, not only on your body but all over your face. Each stare gets longer and each line more pronounced. You try to manage a smile but with quivering lips it’s not always easy. Then you are hit with the realization that there are many younger, more prettier and more youthful running about and your chest begins to cave in and you slouch where you once were standing tall. This is when the questions begin. Does he notice them? Am I still beautiful on the outside as he once thought? Do I still cause his heart to skip a beat knowing he will see me after a long day at work? Or do others around him keep his interest and his heart fluttering?

He’s surrounded by the world and I’m surrounded by errands, interactions with little people and those that care for them. Have I lost that touch? Did I lose my sparkle? Your heart feels heavy but it’s time to step away from that mirror and dress those two miracles calling out to you. You slowly make your way to them, giving the smiles and hugs they come to expect and love, and once again you are out the door to begin the same day on a different date.

What happened to that person before the kids? The life with the high paying job and a kick ass yearly bonus? This is my life now, right?

Let’s back up a bit and try this again. LOOK at my life…two amazing kids, a beautiful home surrounded by family. Yes, it’s not always easy and boy is it stressful but it’s my life. It’s my journey and the path that gets me where I need to be.

Do I have insecurities and fears? Yes, I do but I’ve come to learn that it’s ok. It’s up to me to always focus on the good and find the positive. But in the meantime find myself and don’t get lost in the fear and others around me.

Although, it gets harder some days I try to look less at the lines that surround my face, the extra something that hangs on my body and let the dust that dulls my sparkle blow away. Sometimes I need to give myself a little shake or a pat to help me shine but all the in between stuff is still there, the only difference is now I understand, it’s ok. When I lose that and the day comes when I feel it’s not ok, I will just remember this. Here and now and I hope that’s enough.