Monthly Archives: December 2020

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Farewell 2020

In just a few hours we will say goodbye to 2020, and its ouster not a moment too soon. 

Oh, how it all started with beautiful promises. Cheers with family and neighbors. Watching our block New Year’s ball drop from a street light pole as it has done for many years. A tradition I am thankful and happy to experience, and be a part of every year. The hugs that we freely gave and received. Embraced with a full heart of love. I miss those hugs. The closeness you felt when you were able to just take each other in and feel the love and appreciation in just a hug.

What happened to the promises of 2020?  The new year we were all so excited to welcome came to a halt. Instead of watching life grow surrounded by family and friends, we were watching the news in fear as a virus blew through Italy like a wildfire spreading to all of Europe and taking so many lives with it. We watched in fear with clenched fits and jaw dropping stares while feeling an unfamiliar pain in our hearts. 

Hoping it wouldn’t come to our side. Praying it couldn’t get to our home but here it was on our front door.  A map of hope and travel became filled with red dots of pain and life lost. It seemed as though hope was disappearing and hate and divide were holding strong. People who wanted so much to just help. Show support. Protect themselves while protecting their family, friends and life. While others were in denial. Following those saying this is a false truth. Not caring for the wellbeing of human life and not protecting themselves and others. 

There was so much pain. So many lives lost, from the healthy to the weak. This year has taken far too much from us but it stops. It has to stop! 

I will bring in a New Year. I will welcome 2021 with hope, love, faith and courage in my heart that it will be a better year. I will dream a dream for my kids to grow surrounded by the loving arms of family and friends. To grow where they can experience the happiness a hug brings. The kindness that an encouraging touch brings. I want them to dream and know that all things are still possible. I pray that they can experience school in person with some amazing teachers that show just how much they are cared about every day. 

I want life back. In 2020, not only did we learn pain like no other, and many firsts that could never be expected, but we learned the true value of family. We learned that if we come together we can build beautifully. 

Praying that 2021 brings so many deserving hugs. Much belly filled laughter that causes your cheeks to ache from smiling so much. That family can reunite not on a screen but in your home standing only inches apart. 

Wishing you all of that and so much more. Here’s to bidding 2020 adieu and welcoming 2021 with good health to you and yours.

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Traditions

Traditions are so important to me especially when they bring family together. Making special memories with my mom walking each procession every year. Bringing Giovanni and Isannah with me, so they too, can experience these moments with their Nonni and all the family that comes together. Moments that become memories that will grow each year as they do. Bringing Giovanni and Isannah to church with me to experience the beautiful services. I love knowing that they can listen to the messages and allow it to carry in their hearts. All the traditions big or small, they are lasting and remain in our heart and memory. 

They lift us on the days when we are feeling down. They bring a smile to my face when I find it hard to smile on my own. 

Traditions for and during the holidays. The same foods, the decorations, the family games, music and laughter that are always present during this time. Even when the year is hard and the fear is great, or when there is an empty place or two at the table, the comfort and love of the holidays bring us hope for a better tomorrow, all while embracing and appreciating what we have now. I look out and see faces staring back at me and all I can do is smile because this will be a new memory because of these traditions. 

There is another new one that is very special and dear to my heart. It started when Giovanni and Isannah were just born. My childhood friend and her family, who we are blessed to have as neighbors too, came over at Christmas. They brought gifts for the kids and stayed with us for a little. This became a beautiful tradition that still happens every year because of the kindness and heart they share with us. All the kids open their gifts and share a moment together. We take family pictures by our tree and just feel the warmth and happiness of their company. They are friends who are family and that will never change. 

This year was different thanks to 2020 but it didn’t change our tradition. Our friends made it happen again. Thankfully the weather held up and we were able to meet outside with masks and distance. We stayed safe and just had our special time. The kids played together and laughed. I stared out at them and couldn’t believe how big they all are now. How small they were when it all started. Their daughter wasn’t born yet but their younger son was always with us. Now their son has grown and their daughter took his place in our tradition.I still have the first gift that our friends brought for the kids. Two little picture Christmas Stocking ornaments. One pink one and one blue. To this day they hang proudly on our tree with a picture of Giovanni and Isannah in each one.

Traditions mean the world to me. I hope Giovanni and Isannah will feel the same and keep every memory in their heart so that they will carry these traditions as they grow each year. 

We all have different beliefs but traditions are what you make them to be.  

Create them, old or new, carry them and keep them going and growing.

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Eve of Christmas 2020

On this Eve of Christmas, my mind drifts to family gatherings of years past, and my chest feels heavy. Remembering all the hugs we were able to receive and give. The laughs that filled the houses we visited. And the laughter of generations of family members all under the same roof. We could see the many expressions on their face. Faces that I have been missing. All these moments that turned into memories blurred my vision of what was directly in front of me today.

This year we took a hit, some more than others, but a hit was felt all around. The sadness and fear leading up to the holidays could make your body tremble. Knowing that people would be missing at the table. Less noise and laughter, fewer generations under one roof, made my chest close and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I had to take a moment to step away from my memories and be present. Yes, the holidays have felt a little lighter and leading up to today, Christmas Eve a little scarier, but we are still here. We are healthy and safe. Things won’t be the same but are they really ever exactly the same? We do the best with what we have every year because that is life. We want to bring family together for our children. We want them to experience all the magic of life and the holidays. We do our best to make things seem better than what they are at times.

Although our group was smaller than before, it was perfect. Being able to see Giovanni and Isannah sing, dance and laugh because of their Nonni is priceless. The way the kids light up when Nonna comes through the door is what the holidays are all about. This year we may be lighter but our home felt full. We are here. We are healthy and we are safe. There’s so much to be thankful for, and family is the most important of them all.

Wishing you and your family a magical Christmas. Hoping you can find the blessings that surround you and allow love to fill your heart.

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The Spanish Dance

Every year around this time Isannah performs in the Nutcracker for Cobble Hill Ballet. Leading up to this time she gets so excited and begins talking about what part she will play when she auditions. Every year she tells me how much closer she is to auditioning for the part of Clara. In her ballet school you have to be a certain age to audition for Clara. And boy has she been counting the years. 

This year with all that is going on with COVID they are unable to perform the Nutcracker at the theater. Isannah was really sad about it but still happy that her ballet school was coming up with a plan to bring the Nutcracker to their students. Classes were given a dance to work on and Isannah’s class was doing the Spanish Dance.

She would sneak in her room and practice in private so she wouldn’t ruin the surprise for us. She was pretty giddy and the smiles were real as she left her room. Those smiles are definitely needed right now. Anything that can keep her smiling makes me happy. Her love for ballet is definitely one of them. 

This year the costumes weren’t distributed. The girls in her class were able to create or use something they had that was red. They could make it all up as long as the costume made them feel comfortable and happy to perform. 

It took Isannah quite a while to figure out what she was wearing and how she wanted to style her hair. It all finally came together and she was happy with her selection. 

On the day of her performance, her nerves set in. She was nervous but in an excited happy way. She quickly got dressed and was ready for me to apply some make up. She had been looking forward to wearing red lipstick. Sadly, there was no point in wearing lipstick when her lips would be hiding behind a face mask. 

The time had come to make our way to ballet. As we were walking out the door Isannah turned to me and said, “everyone usually comes to see me in the Nutcracker. Bubbe and Bubba come to visit all the way from Chicago. Nonna, Nonno and everyone else is excited to see me. This time no one will be there to take pictures, to cheer or to wave to me from the audience. It will just be me and my friends in class.” I could tell she was beginning to feel a little down. I quickly changed the subject to something that could bring her joy again. After all, her ballet school was recording the performance to be able to share it with family members and friends. We are all very much looking forward to watching her performance together.  

This year we were missing a lot of family. The excitement of the audience cheering. The waves and screams of support and love. The rushing around to get her to all her shows on time and the many flowers she would be presented with. 

We missed a lot but we still had a happy ballerina working hard to perform her heart out which she did. 

This is my beautiful ballerina.