Monthly Archives: January 2022

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Before school mornings

Why do some mornings have to be so hard? 

I don’t like waking up in the mornings. Heck, I get up before my alarm to check my clock only to see how much more time I have left to sleep. That drives me nuts. I wish I had cute little birds fly in and grab my clothing and help me dress as I make my way out the bedroom door. Feeling the soft breeze of their feathers flying happily all around me bringing me hope for a new day to begin.I smile as I make my way to the kids room and thank God for allowing me another day.

I wake the kids with little morning kisses and make my way downstairs to begin breakfast. I’m already preparing myself for the day that lies ahead. Kids come down and everything is going smoothly until that one sarcastic remark or the bickering over foolish reasons at the breakfast table begins. I’m thankful that the birds are not really circling around me singing their songs because I probably would have wacked them out of my way while trying to stay calm.  

See my problem is I never learned a technique to calm myself and if I am in that moment and you are trying to calm me, that just aggravates the situation further and has the opposite effect of calming me. So, let’s just say I’m still learning to find “my zen.” 

Now back to the morning, the explanations about who said what, and who started or who is really at fault begins. It goes on and on and my mood gets worse and worse. It’s no longer fun, happy and calm. It’s the discussions, possibly raised voices, and explanations of how we got here. When all I want to do is calm myself and tell them how much I love them and just solve it all but I can’t. As I am reaching in the opposite way that I would like, I see it all going down and although in the back of my mind, like way way back, I see the other scenario and how well it plays out, that’s not what is currently happening. Instead it’s like adding fuel to the fire. My raised voice and warnings, taking away electronics or anything I could think of at that moment. 

Then after it all blows up and I step back in the kitchen to begin preparing their school lunch, my mind is still rolling. I need to step out of myself for a moment and just think about other ways to quiet the emotions that are surrounding us. I can feel another lesson coming out  but at the same time hope the responses are good because I don’t want to start these feelings all over again. 

I begin to talk about better ways we could say things. How we need to think about what we are going to say, how we say it and how it will affect the person we are saying it to. Did we need to say that even though we knew it would be hurtful? If we are just saying things because we know it will hurt someone then it shouldn’t be said at all. 

We need to look around at all we have and all we are able to share. We are sitting at a table with food to nourish our body and we are doing it all in a home with family. A place of love and warmth no matter our moods.

Food is finished, dishes are put away and kids are getting dressed to head out the door. As we are walking my mind keeps going back to the morning events getting us here. How I should’ve responded? How can I let things get me so upset when all I want to do is hold them? 

I look at the kids walking in front of me and my mind plays tricks on me. I see them as they are toddlers looking back at me smiling to make sure I’m still here. I hear their giggles and see their missing teeth smile and all I can do is smile. 

How can these two kids in front of me be this tall? How are they 11 already? This is all happening too quickly and I don’t want to waste a single moment being mad. I feel like Giovanni felt what I was feeling because at that moment he turned around and said, “mommy, I’m sorry about this morning.” I just melted. Funny, he didn’t have anything to apologize for and yet he was the one that did. 

He rushed ahead because he never wants to be late. While Isannah and I walked together in silence. That’s how it goes sometimes and that’s ok. 

I wished them a wonderful day at school and went on my way home. This moment will affect everything I do up until I pick them up from school hoping for a redo.

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COVID found our home

You try to keep your family safe and healthy the best way you know how. You do all you can to avoid crowds, not staying indoors for too long, always wearing a mask and just praying that you can do it. After all you follow all COVID-19 protocols and you isolate for half a year and then some. You stop doing all the things that brought you comfort and made you feel alive. It just stops and you remain in a bubble. A bubble you call home surrounded by the family you made and love.

You get your vaccine’s, first and second, and when the booster comes out you are first in line to show your arm once again. You await the announcement for the kids age group you need. Once that announcement came in I immediately scheduled my kids. Not everyone feels the same but for my family and our children it will always be the best thing. 

Through it all and no matter how careful we were COVID entered our home. I have friends that left us too soon because of COVID. Dear friend’s mothers, sisters or brothers that left too soon because of COVID and of course, all that your mind has been absorbing just watching the world each day during the pandemic. The many questions. The uncertainty. Learning each day as the pandemic continues. You try to prepare yourself the best you can. 

Now it was here and in our home. 

The night my daughter said her head and throat hurt. I immediately checked her temperature and although it was a mild fever it was enough to grab four at home tests. I tested my daughter, then proceeded with my son, husband and I. My daughter’s test began showing positive so we began her isolation process and she stayed in her room until we received our results. The three of us were negative. How could this be? We are always so close in contact. 

It was hard to feel grateful knowing my daughter was upstairs but I was relieved just a little for the rest of us. 

Panic mode sets in and you start going back to who we were with or where we were and each time my heart sank knowing my parents were with us for some of those times. Filled with worry my finger shook as I made the call to my mom explaining what had happened. I needed to make sure they were all ok. My heart was beating so fast and was about to come out of my chest until I heard her say they were all fine. With this darn thing, it’s a wait and see a game. 

I returned the focus to Isannah and made sure she was comfortable and had everything she needed in her room. Man, it really sucks and is so unfair knowing you can’t go to your kid, stay with her and hold her until she feels better as you normally would do. This time I couldn’t kiss the booboo and make it all better. The first two days were the worst of it. Sore throat, slight fever and headache but after that she was getting better. But that didn’t mean she could join us or the world. She needed to stay isolated. Thank goodness for technology as we were able to chat and FaceTime. When it was dinner time she would join us by FaceTime. We brought food upstairs to her room and we would set up the laptop at the table and make sure she was with us. While all this was going on I couldn’t stop worrying about her asthma and fearing another hospital visit because of it. But thankfully she was strong and getting stronger each day. A little asthmatic cough began but Albuterol nebulizer treatments helped greatly. 

Isolating time is over and she has joined the living once again. Thankful we were all vaccinated because this could’ve been a lot worse. Either way, all that matters is she is better and just in time for their birthday. 

This will make 11 love filled, memory making years. Happy 11th birthday my sweet miracles, twin A and twin B!