The house is calm as both kids are in their rooms. After tossing and turning Isannah gently closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep. Giovanni couldn’t find his calm and continued to toss and turn. At times getting up to rest his head on the crib bars. He kept searching for something and my heart began to ache for his restlessness. I watched as he tried to put himself to sleep but couldn’t find his comfort zone. After a few more rolls, stand-ups and head rests I walked in the room. He calmly looked up at me and with the sweetest soft voice said, “hi”. I helped him get under his blanket as I softly rubbed his head and cheek until I heard his deep breath release. I let his hand go and sat on the lazy boy behind him just to be sure he was asleep. Sitting on that chair reminded me of the sleepless nights I sat and breastfed these two miracle babies. I was taken back to a time of fear, no sleep and uncertainty of the days that would come. I remember being so afraid of not knowing the mother I would be and if I could be the mother that Giovanni and Isannah needed. So many emotions go through your mind while starting the journey of motherhood. Gio took another deep breathe and I was brought back to the here and now and began to smile. I smiled listening to Gio and Isa softly breathing and knowing that we all found our place and way through this family.
I try to find the good in everyone even though it hurts me in the process. It’s sad when you believe in someone so much and learn they are not at all who you think they were. This brings my wall a little higher but it doesn’t interfere with the love I have for life and for the appreciation I continue to have for all the beauty that I’m surrounded by. Sure it closes me up a little more but boy when you are past that wall and have my trust; love, faith and unconditional loyalty you will have always. Remember to speak words that will not hurt you. Love as though life will end today, and embrace the one’s you love with an unmistakable appreciation.
Sometimes the past has a way of creeping up on you but you take it all in and smile. You remember that what has brought you to today was part of what you went through then. Good or bad it’s the beautiful soul filled memories and the love behind each one that you cherish and let mold you as you walk each day in the present. Feeling the warm and fuzzies and spreading the love.
The kids did so well on our adventure to a LI mall without strollers that I promised them a treat. Let’s just say I look at pez dispensers in an entirely different way and Strawberry Shortcake didn’t make me happy today.
The kids are enjoying the very last candy dispensed by Strawberry Shortcake as we stroll the aisles at Walmart when Gio loudly claims that he needs to pee. I immediately head in the direction of the family bathroom as my mom and Isa trail slowly behind us. I park the shopping cart and take my sweet little man to the bathroom while Isa waits with Nonna. I carefully line the toilet seat in preparation of Gio’s use. He is excited and ready. I get him on and squat in front of him while holding him steady. All of the sudden I feel wet and see a stream of water shooting from the bowl up then down on my pants like a perfect fountain stream. I’m in a bit of shock before I truly realize it’s Gio’s pee. I immediately look down to see he is holding the Strawberry Shortcake pez dispenser in his right hand inside of pushing his peeshie down. I tell him to hold it down as I’m moving out of the line of fire. He shouts Strawberry Shortcake. Meaning it’s in his hand and he doesn’t want to let it go so he can’t push his peeshie down. At this point, I’m struggling to remove Strawberry Shortcake while balancing away from the pee and holding him on the toilet steady so he doesn’t fall to see that his pants, underwear along with my pants are covered in pee. I look at him, look at the streaming pee that is never ending and the puddle on the floor and just give up. Let him finish his business as he sadly proclaims that he didn’t pee in his pants because he made it to the potty in time. He then reassures me that he is ok. I get him down and I tip toe my way over the pee, walk out the door to flag my mom so she can bring me his spare set of clothes. She then asked if he made it in time. I look at her, look down at my pants and say he made it in time. After I washed and cleaned Gio I began cleaning the floor and bathroom before walking out feeling defeated. Let’s just say I no longer like pez dispensers especially the one’s with Strawberry Shortcakes head.
There are confusions, dark clouds and fear all around us. It’s up to us to clear our vision and strengthen our stance to walk strongly through it all. We must be still and silent so we can hear the words of encouragement in the distance. In our time of weakness we need to look within ourselves and find the courage that we bury deep down and let it come to surface. Find the beauty around us and take the love and hope it provides so that we can lift ourselves up and float through the pain and confusion. Things are never perfect and some people will hurt you but it’s what you do with that hurt that molds you. Everything that led up to right now helped make you the person you are and continues to create the person you will be. We need to be stronger than them. We need to believe in our heart that God is holding us in his arms and watching over all the things that need to be in your life. He won’t let you fall without being your pillow of strength and light. That doesn’t mean we will not get bruised. It means the bruises will only be on the surface but the healing power underneath the surface is what will make them fade in time.
Always have a focus point. It’s your picture of inspiration, hope, unconditional love and healing. I have mine and they are adorably cute.
It’s the little things in everything. Never forget to take a moment to be still and silent so that you can see even with all the confusion and commotion.
Sometimes just a glance of a friendly face is all you need to lift your soul and help you remember the good and beautiful that remains.
God winks are all around us you just need to be able to catch them.
Summer is definitely making it’s way out bringing the cool breezes of Fall to open up our eyes. Windows are open and the hints of Fall are filling our home as I begin to clean closets. Starting to clean out closets in the kids room is getting harder and harder to do. Not because of the amount of clothing but because of the realization that they are growing and moving on to bigger sizes which brings bigger moments. I feel a little choked up folding and separating. I picture each moment we created in the outfits I place to the side. Smiling at some memories that come to mind and thanking God that we have them to hold. I have toddlers now. Toddlers that are talking up a storm, walking holding hands, dancing and singing to each others tunes and just showing their appreciation in everything they do. I can’t believe I am a mother of twin toddlers. Soon I will be walking them up to school while holding tears back so they can know how happy and proud I am of them. They can walk confidently in to their classroom knowing they worked so hard and are loved so much. I know I am getting a head of myself but as I fold and separate I can see all the new moments that will soon unfold. As much as I am strong I am weak at heart and love so much that anything will fill these tired eyes with tears. I better stop now before I send them off to college and fill not only my eyes with tears but this screen.
May today be filled with summer memories and soon to be Fall adventures.
Let me tell you, it really is the little things that make the biggest difference. I can’t imagine my days without a little something to add a smile on my face when it is truly needed. It’s amazing how even a memory that pops out of nowhere can change your entire mood. Leave room for the little things that try to make their way to you. You’ll be glad you did!