The house is calm as both kids are in their rooms. After tossing and turning Isannah gently closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep. Giovanni couldn’t find his calm and continued to toss and turn. At times getting up to rest his head on the crib bars. He kept searching for something and my heart began to ache for his restlessness. I watched as he tried to put himself to sleep but couldn’t find his comfort zone. After a few more rolls, stand-ups and head rests I walked in the room. He calmly looked up at me and with the sweetest soft voice said, “hi”. I helped him get under his blanket as I softly rubbed his head and cheek until I heard his deep breath release. I let his hand go and sat on the lazy boy behind him just to be sure he was asleep. Sitting on that chair reminded me of the sleepless nights I sat and breastfed these two miracle babies. I was taken back to a time of fear, no sleep and uncertainty of the days that would come. I remember being so afraid of not knowing the mother I would be and if I could be the mother that Giovanni and Isannah needed. So many emotions go through your mind while starting the journey of motherhood. Gio took another deep breathe and I was brought back to the here and now and began to smile. I smiled listening to Gio and Isa softly breathing and knowing that we all found our place and way through this family.

The kids did so well on our adventure to a LI mall without strollers that I promised them a treat. Let’s just say I look at pez dispensers in an entirely different way and Strawberry Shortcake didn’t make me happy today. 

The kids are enjoying the very last candy dispensed by Strawberry Shortcake as we stroll the aisles at Walmart when Gio loudly claims that he needs to pee. I immediately head in the direction of the family bathroom as my mom and Isa trail slowly behind us. I park the shopping cart and take my sweet little man to the bathroom while Isa waits with Nonna. I carefully line the toilet seat in preparation of Gio’s use. He is excited and ready. I get him on and squat in front of him while holding him steady. All of the sudden I feel wet and see a stream of water shooting from the bowl up then down on my pants like a perfect fountain stream. I’m in a bit of shock before I truly realize it’s Gio’s pee. I immediately look down to see he is holding the Strawberry Shortcake pez dispenser in his right hand inside of pushing his peeshie down. I tell him to hold it down as I’m moving out of the line of fire. He shouts Strawberry Shortcake. Meaning it’s in his hand and he doesn’t want to let it go so he can’t push his peeshie down. At this point, I’m struggling to remove Strawberry Shortcake while balancing away from the pee and holding him on the toilet steady so he doesn’t fall to see that his pants, underwear along with my pants are covered in pee. I look at him, look at the streaming pee that is never ending and the puddle on the floor and just give up. Let him finish his business as he sadly proclaims that he didn’t pee in his pants because he made it to the potty in time. He then reassures me that he is ok. I get him down and I tip toe my way over the pee, walk out the door to flag my mom so she can bring me his spare set of clothes. She then asked if he made it in time. I look at her, look down at my pants and say he made it in time. After I washed and cleaned Gio I began cleaning the floor and bathroom before walking out feeling defeated. Let’s just say I no longer like pez dispensers especially the one’s with Strawberry Shortcakes head. 

There are confusions, dark clouds and fear all around us. It’s up to us to clear our vision and strengthen our stance to walk strongly through it all. We must be still and silent so we can hear the words of encouragement in the distance. In our time of weakness we need to look within ourselves and find the courage that we bury deep down and let it come to surface. Find the beauty around us and take the love and hope it provides so that we can lift ourselves up and float through the pain and confusion. Things are never perfect and some people will hurt you but it’s what you do with that hurt that molds you. Everything that led up to right now helped make you the person you are and continues to create the person you will be. We need to be stronger than them. We need to believe in our heart that God is holding us in his arms and watching over all the things that need to be in your life. He won’t let you fall without being your pillow of strength and light. That doesn’t mean we will not get bruised. It means the bruises will only be on the surface but the healing power underneath the surface is what will make them fade in time.

Always have a focus point. It’s your picture of inspiration, hope, unconditional love and healing. I have mine and they are adorably cute. 

It’s the little things in everything. Never forget to take a moment to be still and silent so that you can see even with all the confusion and commotion.