I was feeling a little overwhelmed and this is when I’m the hardest on myself. It’s when I begin remembering all the times I lost patience and got more upset than I wanted to. Remembering how easily I got upset this morning while I was trying to get the kids fed, cleaned, and ready to head out the door. I was making breakfast and then lunch and the time was passing and the kids were moving so SLOWLY and I knew I still had so much more to do. At that point, I should’ve pulled away from the situation and just taken a moment to let whatever was boiling inside me disappear but I didn’t. I raised my voice and began to rush the kids and myself. I didn’t like that feeling but didn’t realize it until I dropped them off. Once we got out of the house everything seemed fine. We were talking nicely. There was giggling and everything was as if my temper was not raised or my patience not short. This only made me feel worse.
I decided I needed to go somewhere I would be surrounded by small children and their moms, dads and family. I needed to take myself away from the abuse I was mentally giving myself. Basically remove myself from my harsh thoughts of the mistake I made this morning.
I went to the park. I sat on a bench alone and listened to the children play and the conversations that were taking place. I heard moms yelling at their kids. I heard moms loving their children but also heard the frustration in their voices. I heard some losing their cool and yelling. This is when my clinched tight body began to loosen. It was a reminder that not everyone is perfect and sometimes we just lose our patience. It helped bring me down to a place of comfort, appreciation and love. I was able to let the abuse rest and remember all the amazing times that I didn’t get upset. I remembered all the giggles and laughter I shared with G and I. I remembered all the sweet times and even the not so sweet times but they were our times and we made it work together.