It’s the first time in a long while that I sat alone in this room. Windows down, wind blowing and kissing me from all angles of the room. Giovanni’s laughter coming through the kitchen window as he plays on the deck. While Isannah sleeps peacefully upstairs. The sounds of The National playing on the radio fills the room and my mind. I can’t help but follow the kids pictures going up the stairs along the exposed brick wall as if experiencing each milestone, each moment for the second time. Each smile, each laughter brings both a calm and fear throughout my body. These two beautiful souls are ours to help grow, live and love. As much as I’m afraid (terrified) I have this hope that we are where we are supposed to be. My mind reflects back to a place on a white sand beach hearing waves crash along the stone, and an image in front of me an image I will never forget. It was Asher lying on a beach chair looking into the ocean with thoughts, I wish I could read but the feeling that mattered at that moment was me falling in love with him. As I stared at him my heart was filling and my body felt whole. A love so strong was planted. As I continue looking at these photos I feel that that moment in Aruba caused all of this to blossom. I sit here with the breeze whipping through the house like the sounds of the ocean waves that day. The day it truly began. 

Had the most amazing evening with the one who completes me. We headed to Prospect Park to listen to Patty Griffin under the stars. As her voice surrounded us and the cool breeze caressed us I laid my head in the lap of the man who holds my heart. I looked up into his eyes and then it happened. Our wedding song played beautifully and so emotionally in the background. All of the sudden I was on that dance floor surrounded by family and friends while we danced our first dance as husband and wife. It was a “Heavenly Day” and night!

What a breathtakingly beautifully calm family day. The sun was shining brightly and so happy being caressed by the wind that would blow at all the right times. The kids laughter as the wind pushed at them had a smile on my face for hours as we played along the water. It was a family day that was needed and so appreciated. Grizzly made the adventure although all he wanted to do was lay. As the kids played so joyfully they glanced over at Grizz every now and again to make sure he was safe. I loved every minute of the day. I loved looking over at my husband who was smiling at every angle. Whether he was staring at Grizz or looking over at the kids. There were times that I caught him staring in my direction and that’s when my smile softened and my body warmed. At the moments I caught his eyes in my direction I looked up at that sky so blue and thanked God for the miracles that surround us every day. Now I lay while the kids nap listening to the wind filling our home and the Beatles on the radio. What an end to a beautiful day.

Do you remember that feeling you got when you were about to go on your first date? You kept changing your clothes, you paced in anticipation, you were giddy and your stomach was doing flips. Then you heard him coming to your door. Your heart skipped a beat and you rushed to greet him. When you opened that door all of the sudden a calm of warmth came across your body. That’s my every day. That is how I feel every time I look into my husbands eyes. My stomach has butterflies when he walks by and brushes any part of my body and the calm passes through me when I wake in the morning and see him peacefully sleeping next to me. I love having a first date every day. 

Two amazing weeks with beautiful weekends in between. It started with special visitors, the amazing March for Babies walk in honor of Gio and Isa’s Miracles walking along family, then to more visitors of my heart. It’s days like these that you appreciate even more all that God has given you. I not only have my born family but now I have my extended family that together makes my heart and world complete. God chose the most wonderful person to be my mom, my best friend, and then he blessed me again with my second mom who gave me the most incredible man to be my husband. Our worlds came together as one bringing family and friends to my heart. Who knew that a heart can grow so big without additional weight only a lightness of faith and hope to guide it. Good night, everyone. May tomorrow be a gift you can share together. 

I don’t understand peoples hearts anymore. A heart is filled with so much love, life, compassion. I understand that there needs to be some hurt and sadness to fully appreciate all the good and understand the beauty in this world but all these deaths, scares and fears for all the innocent, I don’t understand. Praying for all those surrounded by this evil, affected by this evil, lost by this evil. This is when we need to be bravest and strongest and believe in a higher power. We need to all pray during fear and loss that he will take us through this. We need to shower our love, hope and faith throughout. My heart is aching and I fear for all those on lock down that this will pass and life will be free and full of love again.

How can a heart hold so much love? It amazes me every day when I look at him I feel the love grow inside. All I can do is just stare and think of all the words I could possibly say to make him know just how much I love him but there are no words. Just this amazing feeling that makes me want to scream so loudly it makes me lose my voice. I’m just in love…yesterday, today and always.

Today was a day needed by all of us. Bubbe came for an early visit and lit a light in our home and in are hearts. The love she shines on us all lifts a weight from our life. It’s days like these you can breathe freely, love what and who you have around you, and realize no matter the bump there is always another step towards love.

Sitting on a random stoop facing the direction of the sun and taking in the warmth throughout my body. Slow breathing, eyes closed and the words, don’t worry about today, because every little thing is gonna be alright…playing in my head. Thanking God for another day with my family and appreciating all we have now. All the love that surrounds us and all the hope and faith that’s within.

What an amazing family day at Prospect Park. I can’t believe what a difference being outside in the open space makes. Air all around us, wind blowing by at just the right times and the strong warming sun kept us out there even longer. I felt a belonging today. Listening to the kids laughing and playing, balls flying, scooters crashing made me feel at peace. I needed this…I needed today…I needed my family. Thank you for blessing me with this amazing day!