Tag Archives: birthday

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Turning 50 and Things

07.01.2024

What can I say for the month of June? Each day was passing and getting me closer to my birthday. I had anxiety and waves of panic about turning 50. 

All the promises I made to myself for my 50th were falling apart and my promises were slowly crumbling. One was to lose the weight I gained quite easily during the peri days and with the lack of motivation nothing was falling into place. I felt like I let myself down and therefore let others down. 

I always put the most pressure on myself and that knocks me down even further. I never could shake that. It’s drilled into my thought process but I’m trying to get better. 

So let’s see, those who truly know me know that I don’t like surprise parties or having too much attention on me. I was the girl that never wanted to open gifts in front of anyone and didn’t like people singing happy birthday to me. I always felt bad about that because I know how much people want to sing and make you happy. In fact, I love doing that for others and hosting. It makes me feel good inside knowing I can bring joy and happiness to another person. I understand that joy so I feel horrible feeling the way I do about that. I haven’t changed even as I grow older each year that seems to stay the same. 

But I made a few dear friends this past school year and they treated me extra special leading up to my birthday. 

It all started with a PA appreciation dinner which was such a sweet gesture and treat. We got to have dinner out with the group that helped each other during the school year. It was a special thank you. We had many laughs and great conversations. Not to mention a creepy lady photographer making us pose in interesting ways all to sell us framed photos. Which of course was purchased as a memory of the 2023-2024 school year. 

During this wonderful dinner the lights would flash and loud birthday music would kick on. I was frantic and my cheeks felt warm until the staff walked to another table. I felt relieved but each time that happened I got a little nervous. The meal was almost over and all of the sudden the music kicked back on once more with the sounds of waiters singing coming in my direction. I couldn’t help but stare at the wall while turning beet red. They got me. This crew really got me. I know it was kind of them so I tried my best to go with it. They are a great group of women and I am lucky that I had them to share another year of middle school.

The emotions continued with the 7th grade BBQ celebration, followed by the last snack sale of the year, and saying good-bye to our 8th graders. I was humbled by the kind words I received by students with some asking permission to give me a hug. The words, “I will miss you” made me feel so appreciated. 

And just like that the last day of school was here. It was time to say good-bye to some amazing staff and 8th grade parents who will be moving on to a new school with their kids. 

At the same time realizing my 7th grade beautiful miracles will be entering 8th grade. It will be their final year at Twain all this happening on the day I turned 50. 

It’s been an emotional roller coaster. From highs to lows and everything in between. I feel as though we just started our tour for middle school and now we will be entering 8th. Very soon we will begin the high school process along with the stress that comes with it.   

I’m afraid to blink as so much will change when I reopen my eyes. 

And just like that, the school year ended and I turned 50. I guess it’s not as bad as I thought. As for the promises to myself, it can still happen. 

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COVID found our home

You try to keep your family safe and healthy the best way you know how. You do all you can to avoid crowds, not staying indoors for too long, always wearing a mask and just praying that you can do it. After all you follow all COVID-19 protocols and you isolate for half a year and then some. You stop doing all the things that brought you comfort and made you feel alive. It just stops and you remain in a bubble. A bubble you call home surrounded by the family you made and love.

You get your vaccine’s, first and second, and when the booster comes out you are first in line to show your arm once again. You await the announcement for the kids age group you need. Once that announcement came in I immediately scheduled my kids. Not everyone feels the same but for my family and our children it will always be the best thing. 

Through it all and no matter how careful we were COVID entered our home. I have friends that left us too soon because of COVID. Dear friend’s mothers, sisters or brothers that left too soon because of COVID and of course, all that your mind has been absorbing just watching the world each day during the pandemic. The many questions. The uncertainty. Learning each day as the pandemic continues. You try to prepare yourself the best you can. 

Now it was here and in our home. 

The night my daughter said her head and throat hurt. I immediately checked her temperature and although it was a mild fever it was enough to grab four at home tests. I tested my daughter, then proceeded with my son, husband and I. My daughter’s test began showing positive so we began her isolation process and she stayed in her room until we received our results. The three of us were negative. How could this be? We are always so close in contact. 

It was hard to feel grateful knowing my daughter was upstairs but I was relieved just a little for the rest of us. 

Panic mode sets in and you start going back to who we were with or where we were and each time my heart sank knowing my parents were with us for some of those times. Filled with worry my finger shook as I made the call to my mom explaining what had happened. I needed to make sure they were all ok. My heart was beating so fast and was about to come out of my chest until I heard her say they were all fine. With this darn thing, it’s a wait and see a game. 

I returned the focus to Isannah and made sure she was comfortable and had everything she needed in her room. Man, it really sucks and is so unfair knowing you can’t go to your kid, stay with her and hold her until she feels better as you normally would do. This time I couldn’t kiss the booboo and make it all better. The first two days were the worst of it. Sore throat, slight fever and headache but after that she was getting better. But that didn’t mean she could join us or the world. She needed to stay isolated. Thank goodness for technology as we were able to chat and FaceTime. When it was dinner time she would join us by FaceTime. We brought food upstairs to her room and we would set up the laptop at the table and make sure she was with us. While all this was going on I couldn’t stop worrying about her asthma and fearing another hospital visit because of it. But thankfully she was strong and getting stronger each day. A little asthmatic cough began but Albuterol nebulizer treatments helped greatly. 

Isolating time is over and she has joined the living once again. Thankful we were all vaccinated because this could’ve been a lot worse. Either way, all that matters is she is better and just in time for their birthday. 

This will make 11 love filled, memory making years. Happy 11th birthday my sweet miracles, twin A and twin B!