Making my way to the car through the frigid layer that was burning my cheeks as I walked was making it pretty hard to keep my spirits up. I was feeling run down and a bit weak from a cold I’ve been fighting and this piercing chill was making me feel even worse. I finally made it to my car and quickly jumped in. Unable to move and get things started I just sat there and collected my thoughts. I took a deep breath and finally started the car. As I was driving I was making a mental note of all the things that needed to get done today. Feeling a little heavy, mind and body, I decided to turn on the radio. It was then that I heard a song that just cleared me. It wasn’t a meaningful song to me or one that related to memories it was just a song I knew, a song that I needed and wanted to hear at that time. I turned up the radio louder than it’s been in a long time and it lifted everything off my shoulders. At that moment all I could think of were the words and singing them as loud as I could. For a moment it was just me, not my thoughts, not my worries, not what I had to do or who I had to please. Just me. I was the only one in that car, in that moment, in MY life. It was strange how just being there cleared my mind of everything. I was weightless. I was fearless. I was unconditionally detached. If that even makes sense.
In that moment I wasn’t afraid and for me that is truly hard to do. I felt as though I was floating and a pure soft white light was shining around me like a silhouette. I wanted to stay here forever. I didn’t want to lose me again.
At that moment my phone rang, I didn’t want to look down at the number. I fought myself to look because I was afraid to leave this moment behind. It was too soon. But I did, it was a number of a long ago friend that sadly only calls when she is in trouble. I knew that if I picked up that call this moment would be lost for good. It took everything in me to try to hold on but that tiny space in my heart won over everything else. I answered that phone call and was taken back to a place that was all too familiar. As I listened to the voice on the other end of the phone I could feel the moment fade away. My shoulders began to slowly tense up again and my body felt heavy. After we said our good byes, I realized I experienced all of that wonder to better prepare me for this.
We experience things in the order we do because that is where we are supposed to be at that moment. No matter good or bad, light and love. It’s part of a bigger picture. It’s a path along the way. We just need to trust that we are right where we need to be and things will come again as they should.