Today my daughter turned to me with her sweet kind eyes and soft smile to say, “mommy, polish my nails please.” I couldn’t say no this time. I asked her what color she wanted and she said, “pink.” I looked right at her and told her I would. She beamed from ear to ear and gave me the biggest hug ever. I was on a mission to locate pink polish in our home and found just the perfect one for my baby, I mean little big girl. She saw the polish in my hand and began to smile even bigger. I rushed over to her and began polishing first her fingernails and then her toenails. She couldn’t contain her excitement as she kept looking at each finger I painted over and over with a smile. As I was painting each nail I made sure to explain to her that she needed to let the nails dry before touching anything. She sat really still but at times would move a slight bit before she realized she wasn’t supposed to move and froze again. Finally when she couldn’t take it any more she turned to me and asked if she could stand up. I told her it was fine for her to move now. She moved only one foot before asking me again if she could take another step. She was so afraid to mess up her nails that she moved so slowly across the floor. She finally made it to the section of toys that she was eyeing from across the room. Once she got there she just stood still and stared at them. The expression on her face was priceless. It was as though she was having a conversation with her toys with her mind and not her words. I finally walked over to her touched her nails to test them and she almost cried. She thought I was going to ruin her nails. When I explained I was testing to make sure they were dry so she could play her expression softened. With a smile on my face I confirmed that they were all set. She looked at me, took a deep breath and said, “I love you so much.” She began playing with her toys but every so often she would glance at her fingers and toes just to smile. What a sweet experience. Who thought polish could bring so much emotion and unconditional joy! 

The house is calm as both kids are in their rooms. After tossing and turning Isannah gently closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep. Giovanni couldn’t find his calm and continued to toss and turn. At times getting up to rest his head on the crib bars. He kept searching for something and my heart began to ache for his restlessness. I watched as he tried to put himself to sleep but couldn’t find his comfort zone. After a few more rolls, stand-ups and head rests I walked in the room. He calmly looked up at me and with the sweetest soft voice said, “hi”. I helped him get under his blanket as I softly rubbed his head and cheek until I heard his deep breath release. I let his hand go and sat on the lazy boy behind him just to be sure he was asleep. Sitting on that chair reminded me of the sleepless nights I sat and breastfed these two miracle babies. I was taken back to a time of fear, no sleep and uncertainty of the days that would come. I remember being so afraid of not knowing the mother I would be and if I could be the mother that Giovanni and Isannah needed. So many emotions go through your mind while starting the journey of motherhood. Gio took another deep breathe and I was brought back to the here and now and began to smile. I smiled listening to Gio and Isa softly breathing and knowing that we all found our place and way through this family.