Tag Archives: NICU

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Karters NICU Graduation

There are many good days in the NICU, but yesterday was the absolute best and I was blessed to be a part of every moment.

Karter came into the NICU as a tiny little peanut, fighting bravely through so many challenges. Each day he grew bigger and stronger. While there are always setbacks, new decisions, and fresh beginnings in this journey, he never wavered. He showed us all that he was ready to make his way in this unsteady world.

Yesterday, Karter became a NICU graduate, a big, beautiful, healthy 22 week old boy.

I was blessed to cuddle him throughout his time at NYPBM whenever I was on shift, including his graduation day. I was able to steal one last beautiful cuddle, holding him until he fell asleep comfortably in my arms, saving all his energy for his big celebration.

There were interviews, speeches, and nurses and staff stopping by to share in the excitement. We even had Santa spreading good cheer and well wishes.

Everyone was unbelievably happy and just a little sad, as Karter has been part of our NICU family for six months. He is loved by so many and he has become a permanent resident in my heart.

Then it was time for the big moment, Karter wore his graduation cap and made his way out the NICU doors. We rolled out the red carpet, lined up on each side with pom-poms in hand and golden crowns on our heads. “Celebration” by Kool & The Gang played as we cheered his name and danced alongside mom and Karter on their walk out of the NICU. His doctors were moved to tears, and I had to turn away more than once to catch my own. When Karter’s mom began to speak, there wasn’t a dry eye. She is an amazing, kind, and truly beautiful mother, and Karter is blessed in every way.

As the cheers slowly faded, hugs were shared. J, M, and I helped mom gather six months’ worth of NICU belongings and said our “see you later” instead of goodbye. The three of us walked upstairs, chatting about the day and the memories we’ll carry with us forever.

This was a day I truly needed, and I am so grateful to have been part of this journey.

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Back in the NICU

I began working in the NICU in November of 2018. At first I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do it and I was worried all the emotions I had years ago would come flooding back but I knew I had to try. The first day was a tough one. After my shift was done, I walked out of the building and began crying. I cried so much that my body began aching. I realized at that moment all the emotions I had stored inside me completely resurfaced and I was finally able to let it all go and heal. I didn’t know that I still had that all inside me especially because my twins are 8 years old and flourishing into amazing empathetic, kind, fun loving kids. I couldn’t believe there was something so fragile inside me still.

After I was done crying and began wiping my tears the biggest smile came over my face. I could feel the ache my body was experiencing lift and I was able to stand tall again. It was as though a heavy weight that I had buried way down inside was gone and I was able to breathe freely once again. This confirmed what I was doing was the right thing.

I wanted to be there for mothers that needed to talk or just needed a silent shoulder. I wanted to be there for families that couldn’t be there because they had other children or had to work. I wanted to be that person to hold their crying babies to comfort and cuddle them when they couldn’t be there to do it themselves. Being in the NICU is hard with all the monitors, beeping sounds and flashing lights. Not to mention having your child/children there and feeling hopeless but it’s also finding that hope again. Knowing that they are surrounded by all the amazing staff who are also there fighting to keep your child/children strong.

I get to experience all over again the miracles of life. I get to experience the love and strength of family and staff. I witness the beautiful babies who are fighting to go home and be in the loving arms of family.

I see all of them and feel blessed that I can be a part of something so beautiful. This is why I needed to be back in the NICU.