I was walking out of the grocery store heading to the car when I noticed something in the street. It was a chucheta (pacifier) like Isannah constantly used in the NICU. For some reason seeing that chucheta on the ground made me cry where I stood. I guess I was taking back to that time and to the times that if we didn’t have it around when Isa wanted it she would cry so sadly. I pictured a baby screaming while her mom frantically searched for the lost chucheta. I wanted to pick it up, dust it off and sanitize it just to have it on hand in case I found that mother/father and their child. I had to force myself to walk away, wipe my tears and get in my car. Is there something wrong with me? 

Sniffles, sneezes and water eyes fill this house followed by a lot of whining, crying and exhaustion. Boy, being sick with the kids in the summer stinks. The constant rain outside doesn’t make it easier but the silliness that occurs when you are tired out of your mind keeps the laughs rolling. Lets just say I had my share of bloopers these past few days. One particular incident comes to mind. Who am I kidding, a couple do and I will share them with you. The kids and I are playing doctor. Well, I’m the patient and they are Doc McStuffins. Yes, they both have to be Doc McStuffins because if you don’t refer to both of them that way the whining and unbelievably loud crying begins. I’m doing my best to avoid that from happening. Gio begins to check my temperature by sliding the thermometer over my forehead as I do to them when they are sick. Isa uses the stethoscope to check my heartbeat then immediately grabs the instrument to check my ears while saying, “ok, mommy all good.” Gio leans over to check my blood pressure but in doing so a big stream of drool from his mouth finds it’s way in my eye. As I try to clean it he hands me something not paying attention I try to grab it. He tells me no that he will do it. Since they always pretend to have food and want to feed me, I let him. All of the sudden I feel this slimy, salty, sticky thing on my lips and half way in my mouth. Gio giggles and says my booger. I went from wiping my eye filled drool to pulling out Gio’s salty booger. This is where the doctors and patient game ends. Now let me fast forward to our bedtime routine. Isa’s already done and in sleep land. Thank goodness! While Gio is just starting. Before they take a bath each now pees and/or poops in the big potty. Gio is tired but still needs to pee so he sits on the big potty. It takes him some time so as I hold him I lower my head. All of the sudden pee is smacking me in the cheek. I don’t want to get to excited in fear the pee will just wash my entire face so I gently help him push it down. I calmly remind him that he needs to hold it down. He gently pushes down and continues to pee. Somehow his pee finds it’s way where the gap between the toilet seat and the toilet bowl meet and pee comes squirting out on to my leg. A quick adjustment and the pee fills the toilet bowl the right way. Soaked in pee I’m grateful that the peeing is done and it’s finally bath time. Wrong again! Gio tells me he is pooping. I decide to make myself comfortable by sitting on the edge of the bathtub while holding him up. I lower my head because I’m about to pass out but Gio keeps me on my toes with a line of boogers carefully placed on my hand. After a peed cheek, soaked pee pants and booger tattoos on my hand, an itsy bitsy poop slowly falls out of Gio’s butt and with a smile on his face he says, “poop mommy m&m’s.” It was that kind of day.
Please feel free to share your stories. I’d love to hear them. 

I had the most magical night. My husband and I shared our 5th Anniversary tonight. The weather couldn’t get any better. The breeze was perfect and the calmness that surrounded us felt like a security blanket of love. We enjoyed the special emotions the night time in the city brings. I had butterflies in my belly as I stared at my handsome man who sat to the side of me in the cab. We were on our way to a special place. I still had no idea where we were going but the comfort in his eyes and the touch of his hand brought me an invisible peace. The driver stopped and we got out of the cab. Asher gently grabbed my hand as we began to walk. Suddenly I looked up and saw the name of a familiar restaurant and I couldn’t help but smile. This was the restaurant we ate at in the Bahamas. The restaurant where this handsome man proposed. I ordered the same appetizer as I did then on that amazing night. Each bite spread a warmth throughout my body and a smile in my heart. With each bite a memory from that special night surfaced. I was giddy all night long. I kept looking to the right at this beautiful man sitting beside me and thinking how thankful I am and how blessed I feel. The night ended with a stroll in the park where we shared our very first kiss. This was definitely a magical night which ended with the most perfect kiss. 

Today was a day of mixed emotions so it called for some alone time with my Nonna. Sadly, I can’t just go to her and rest my head on her shoulders just to feel the comfort being with her gives or hold her and have her just look at me and ease my mind. She is not physically here with us any more but her spirit is all around. I went to visit her today at the cemetery. I know it’s not the same and a lot of people say there’s no point because it is no longer her but it’s not about that. It’s a comfort knowing that you can be with her at her last place and know that something extremely wonderful took place. Her soul was lifted and now she lives within us. I know that she is not there but her name is there. Her picture is there and the prayers and comfort that visiting her brings is there. At least that’s how I see it. I just sat there and looked up at her photo and along side of her was my Nonno. Both looking down at me as I took them in. Sometimes things, days or just a song can make your day a little crummy or just take you to a place you worked so hard to get away from. You find all the positive that surrounds you and all the love that fills your heart and hold on to that but every once and again something slips in. This is what brings me to the cemetery. A little extra love and ease coming from a woman that loved so much helps me find that seal to close that gap. I hope everyone has that seal. 

Family is powerful. Love helps us grow. Faith lifts us up.

Every day we see, learn, hear or feel something new. Something that will trigger a reaction. Something that will bring an everlasting smile or something that will raise our eyebrows in disbelief. These are all emotions that help us feel alive. Help us learn about the world we live in. Take advantage of all these feelings happy or sad and live this life to the fullest. Not everything is a big blue puff of cotton candy (my fav). Sometimes it’s just sour lemons but it’s how we use what we have to make tasty things out of them. Share your moments with me. Tell me what made you smile or frown or just stop by and say hi. Sometimes all we need is a release…I’m that for you!   

While I was looking for something in the closet my foot touched something soft on the floor so I looked down. All of the sudden I felt tingles throughout my body. My foot touched the ballet slippers I wore while on hospital bed rest during my pregnancy. I couldn’t help but smile and then almost cry remembering that time. I enjoyed being pregnant. Those memories made me smile until the memories of home bed rest, preeclampsia, hospital bed rest and the NICU surfaced. I tried to block all those thoughts and moments out of my head just to stare back at the slippers and remember the happy time of my pregnancy. Feeling the flutters of kicking in my belly. Watching my belly grow and documented each growth with a photo. I used to love it when my husband took photos of my belly. I could see in his eyes how excited he was too. He enjoyed taking the photos and watching me grow. I just knew it inside that he did. It was a beautiful time and experience. I knew being pregnant would feel amazing but I never knew just how precious the gift could be. I had two tiny hearts inside me to add to my own big heart. All beating together. Each beat brought all of us closer together. It’s an experience I don’t think I could possibly explain but what I do know is it’s a magical time. A time where love grows in a way that touches your toes and curls your hair. It’s a time where you are creating the beauty of life within you. It’s like being born again with a light that shines around you and carries you to safety each step of the way. It’s a beauty of life that opens up a part of your heart you didn’t know existed. All these feelings lead to finally being a mother and holding your children for the first time and thinking, what do I do now besides love them always? I was afraid and to this day still fear that I may be doing something wrong in all the right I pray to do.

You are up. You look around and smile. Just think today is your gift from God. You are given another chance to smile, love and do the things you promised you would. Hold your loved ones close. Take them in and enjoy this gift you’ve been given to the absolute fullest. We don’t know how long we have so make this gift the most precious gift you received until tomorrow.

When my arms can no longer knowingly reach out to hold you and touch your face that is when my world dies.