Tears both sad and happy

Hello…it’s been a while. 

Life really does have a way of grabbing you and flinging you off the ride from time to time. It’s up to you to see how you land each time you are tossed. 

There was a lot that was going on these past few weeks. 

Those who are not from the New York area might not understand this but the High School process for 8th graders and their family is truly a nightmare. Not only are there deadlines that need to be met, there’s a lottery system that tells you what place you are in. Who gets lucky to choose their top 5 high schools and guarantee a spot in their top choices. Others aren’t so lucky, just like us. Both my kids received the bottom 3% number which means no matter how unbelievably amazing my kids’ grades are they will probably not get any of their top selections. Thank goodness for specialized testing, auditions, and screened HS. Keeping our fingers crossed that any of those work in our favor. Because fear of placement in HS has forced us into the private school route. That was even more stressful because now comes essays, questions for both kids and parents. Interviews, another test for private school entry, and much more. 

All this was going on during my dad’s emergency hospital visit and 7 days that followed in the hospital. It was scary but thankfully things got better and he was able to get back home. Not much I can say about that at this time or my eyes will continue to cry like a fountain’s water quickly falling. 

Let’s jump into a happier moment. 

The Nutcracker. 

My daughter dedicated her weekends and time to Nutcracker rehearsals. Her motivation and drive inspires us all. This is the time of year we all look forward to. It’s the time of year when family and friends near and far come together to see her shine on stage and that, she sure did!  

What a magical experience to witness each year. With each dance that makes its way on the stage I’m always taking back to where and when it all started. Her first role, a mouse, in the Nutcracker is etched in my memory forever. 

I could picture it like it was just yesterday. She was the cutest little thing. Now each time the music begins I get butterflies knowing the mice will come on stage. That’s when a tear escapes my eyes because all I see is her. Tiny little legs performing and jumping on the back of the soldier. I see her. I will always see her first. 

And now to what we were all anxiously waiting for. The music begins to play and the beautiful lights light up the stage. The Windmaidens flow gracefully on stage. Eyes focusing on each maiden until I see her. There she was moving about so flawlessly. She’s there. I look around me to make sure all our guests know she is there too. They are all staring at her with joy in their eyes and happiness on their face. My eyes quickly return to her. I watched as she brought me in with her hypnotic moves. It was so beautiful. She was lithely flowing. It was mesmerizing. 

And then she gracefully échappé right off the stage. I can watch that performance over and over, and I have. I couldn’t go to just one show. I had to go to several. Afterall, she did perform in all shows from Friday to Sunday. 

But that’s not all. There was one extra special performance. Performance 2 where she was not only a Windmaiden but also a Spanish Attendant. Three girls on stage and my beautiful radiant girl was one. Her moves were faster. Her grand jeté was breathtaking. My girl was flying through the air. She flew higher than anything I saw. 

That was it. That finally did me in. I could feel my lids actually swelling. Trying so hard not to cry but I just let the happiness take over. It was beautiful. She was beautiful. The moment was beautifully felt by all. 

The final show. The applause begins again and only gets louder as the curtains close and reopen once more. What a grand last night. My husband and I made our way to the foyer so that we could finally see our girl and take her in for the biggest hug. 

Until next year Nutcracker. Until next time.

Nutcracker Ready

Today and leading up today has been a wind whirl of emotions but one emotion that is consistent is joy. Overwhelming joy and awe. I am in awe of Isannah and her dedication. Tonight is the big full cast dress rehearsal of the Nutcracker in the city. She has been dedicated since day one, never missing a rehearsal even when there was a huge and very important family event, she knew she needed to be at rehearsal. She didn’t want to let the cast and teachers down.

She loves ballet but gets truly excited beyond words to be able to dance in the Nutcracker. She practices at home often and she even remembers other dancers’ moves, especially Clara. One of her dreams is to play Clara in the Nutcracker. I’m sure with her hard work and continued love for ballet she will get there.


Tomorrow is the big day and she is in both performances. It’s always emotional when I see her on stage but when I know she is doing what she loves most, my heart beams with joy. There is no holding back the tears. As much as I try not to cry, tears sneak out and it’s a moment like no other.
Isannah will be performing in the city! What a big girl. What an amazing ballerina. What a beautiful heart.

Making dreams come true.