All I hear, as I lay alone in the open room is the sound of
waves crashing, birds singing and the calm of the breeze surrounding me. I look
out into the open water and my mind drifts back to the first time we came here
with the kids and how tiny they were. Sporting their onesies with pampers
slightly sticking out of each leg hole while running excitedly in and out of each
room. The panic that passed while they ran across the marble floor mixed with
the excitement that they are running at all. If I close my eyes, I can still
hear their little voices and giggles. I can see Giovanni’s flowing curls as he
bounced about and Isannah’s full-face smile. When I open my eyes those memories
feel so long ago but at the same time just like it was yesterday.
Now they are running around soon to be 9 years olds and
holding conversations with one another. Playing together and just being who
they are supposed to be. One is an avid reader with a heart for baking, making
music, dancing and acting. The other is a puzzle hungry solver, a creator at
heart, a singer and guitar playing rock star. They have many more strong
talents, interests and they are learning more as time passes.
Being a mom has changed a lot in my life. It changed how I
react and has taught me how my words and reactions affect others especially two
small humans. It’s shown me how much more love I had inside. Love that is
endless and unconditional. A love that hurts so much more when your little one
is sad no matter what the reason. It’s a feeling within you that aches at every
corner of your heart with both pain and joy. It also brings to surface the
breakdowns, fear, confusion and lack of confidence when questioning yourself
about everything you are doing. You learn and grow as your children learn and
grow. Although, we do it in different ways, we grow all the same.
Parenting is not easy and comes with so many mixed emotions
but those difficulties and emotions are worth all of it when you look at the
miracles you made before you. Words will never fully reflect all that is but
once you feel that feeling you will know.
Now back to the open room I am laying in while listening to
the amazing sounds of life around me. The wind that blows through each open
door and wraps around each corner while making it’s final swirl around my body as
if to hug me before blowing out of another open door, reminds me that life is
I hear the sounds of my children’s voices coming up from the
elevator. I know they are near. My heart begins to beat a little faster and my
body feels the warmth of their love. I carry them with me wherever I go and will
take me into the New Year.
Soon it will be time to say goodbye to 2019. Leaving the
year behind us but not the love, the knowledge, family and friends. Those
things will always come with us into the New Year. Here’s to many love filled
experiences, challenges that will test you, faith that will carry you and hope
that all things are possible in 2020.