I walked through the preschool door to hear the teacher announce to Giovanni that his mommy was here. Out of nowhere I saw this sweet beaming boy pop out of the side wall. A smile as big as the world, running towards me while maneuvering around other students and teachers to make his way into my open arms. My heart just about exploded as I heard him yelling mommy, mommy, mommy the entire way. I can’t possibly put into words the happiness, pure love, joy and appreciation I felt at that moment. As if everything I was trying so hard to do as a mommy was confirmed in that one moment. A moment that is now imprinted in my heart. This is what it’s all about. Isannah and Giovanni completed their first full morning at school. They each explained in giggling detail all that happened at school today. I was giggling myself along with beaming with pride and unconditional love. These two miracles walking along side of me are mine. I still can’t believe they started preschool. Who am I kidding, I can’t believe they are walking and talking. They are two little people now and each day they grow even bigger but not just in size but in heart, in love and in gratitude. May every mother’s first day of school be just as powerful and may it be a confirmation of all the hard work you each face on a daily basis. 

The kids are calmly playing in the kitchen until I hear some loud noises. I begin to make my way in that direction and hear Isa yelling at Gio then she calls him a baby aggressively. I was just about to walk in there and immediately let Isannah know that we do not talk to people in that manner but something stopped me. I think the expression on Gio’s face made me just stop, pull back and listen from a distance. As I began to listen and see what was going on I noticed they were reenacting scenes from Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus. It was the part where the mean girl “Charlotte” was calling Virginia names and pulled a special Christmas book she made out of her hands and threw it to the ground. Charlotte then called Virginia a baby stating there was NO Santa. Giovanni and Isannah said and did everything the way it was played in the movie without missing a beat. The expressions on their faces were exactly the way they needed to be in each roll they played. After it was over the other would say it was their turn, and then they started up all over again. From pulling and slamming the book, to the sad faces and mean words. It was as though I was watching my very own show starring Giovanni and Isannah as Charlotte and Virginia. I couldn’t help but smile the entire time. Then after about 3 times each they began to giggle and hug each other. It was the most amazing thing to watch.

How can these two kids already know all the emotions and show them so clearly? The love and kindness floating around the room filled my heart with so much hope. It’s moments like these that no matter the hard times you experience this brings you back to a hope that things are truly good and we just need to open our eyes to it. Faith that love conquers all, and trust that you are right where you need to be. I have two little teachers in my life that remind me every day how great life is and how much we should appreciate every moment. What better reminders than children. 

We decided to treat the kids with a movie on the TV. It’s a HUGE treat as they only watch TV during breakfast in the morning. I thought I would play Yes, Virginia There is a Santa Claus. Once I turned it on they sat so quietly. Their eyes glued to the screen with concern and then happiness throughout the movie. As soon as the movie was over, Giovanni immediately came over to me and said, “that was nice mommy.” He had the softest sweetest look on his face. He understood exactly what it was about. Right when I was about to cry I heard clapping. I turned to see Isannah clapping at the TV. These two truly have my heart.

http://www.amazon.com/Yes-Virginia-Neil-Patrick-Harris/dp/B003X3BYG0/ref=pd_bxgy_mov_img_y

Kids are in their cribs and I turn on the nursery monitor to watch Gio toss and turn like he does every night. All of the sudden I hear loud noises coming from upstairs. I look back at the monitor to see Gio sitting up in his crib while flailing his arms. I turn on the monitor sound to hear Gio loudly singing, “I woke up in a firetruck” while making the siren sounds. In the background I hear Isa yelling, TOO LOUD. I can’t help but giggle. Then I laugh hysterically because this continues for another 15 minutes. This was the laughter my entire body needed today. Thank goodness for this pair. They definitely closed the night with something I was missing all day. A smile.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNHkGVfRqjo

My parents are over and eating dinner with the kids. Gio is not feeling so well as he’s had the sniffles all day and really no appetite . He decides that apples and peanut butter would make him feel better. He looks at me and asks me so sweetly if he can have some. Before running to get them for him (which is really what I wanted to do) I told him he would need to eat one more rice in order to get the apples and peanut butter. My little cutie picked up one grain of rice, held it between his two fingers to be sure we all saw it, and with a huge smile on his face placed it in his mouth. He immediately told me he ate ONE rice. We all looked at each other and began laughing. It really was my fault. He did exactly what I asked even though I meant another fork full of rice and not just one. He was still smiling as everyone continued laughing. I wanted to just eat him all up. My clever little man.  He sure did receive apples and peanut butter along with a bunch of kisses and a little cheek squeeze too.  

Today my daughter turned to me with her sweet kind eyes and soft smile to say, “mommy, polish my nails please.” I couldn’t say no this time. I asked her what color she wanted and she said, “pink.” I looked right at her and told her I would. She beamed from ear to ear and gave me the biggest hug ever. I was on a mission to locate pink polish in our home and found just the perfect one for my baby, I mean little big girl. She saw the polish in my hand and began to smile even bigger. I rushed over to her and began polishing first her fingernails and then her toenails. She couldn’t contain her excitement as she kept looking at each finger I painted over and over with a smile. As I was painting each nail I made sure to explain to her that she needed to let the nails dry before touching anything. She sat really still but at times would move a slight bit before she realized she wasn’t supposed to move and froze again. Finally when she couldn’t take it any more she turned to me and asked if she could stand up. I told her it was fine for her to move now. She moved only one foot before asking me again if she could take another step. She was so afraid to mess up her nails that she moved so slowly across the floor. She finally made it to the section of toys that she was eyeing from across the room. Once she got there she just stood still and stared at them. The expression on her face was priceless. It was as though she was having a conversation with her toys with her mind and not her words. I finally walked over to her touched her nails to test them and she almost cried. She thought I was going to ruin her nails. When I explained I was testing to make sure they were dry so she could play her expression softened. With a smile on my face I confirmed that they were all set. She looked at me, took a deep breath and said, “I love you so much.” She began playing with her toys but every so often she would glance at her fingers and toes just to smile. What a sweet experience. Who thought polish could bring so much emotion and unconditional joy! 

The house is calm as both kids are in their rooms. After tossing and turning Isannah gently closed her eyes and fell into a deep sleep. Giovanni couldn’t find his calm and continued to toss and turn. At times getting up to rest his head on the crib bars. He kept searching for something and my heart began to ache for his restlessness. I watched as he tried to put himself to sleep but couldn’t find his comfort zone. After a few more rolls, stand-ups and head rests I walked in the room. He calmly looked up at me and with the sweetest soft voice said, “hi”. I helped him get under his blanket as I softly rubbed his head and cheek until I heard his deep breath release. I let his hand go and sat on the lazy boy behind him just to be sure he was asleep. Sitting on that chair reminded me of the sleepless nights I sat and breastfed these two miracle babies. I was taken back to a time of fear, no sleep and uncertainty of the days that would come. I remember being so afraid of not knowing the mother I would be and if I could be the mother that Giovanni and Isannah needed. So many emotions go through your mind while starting the journey of motherhood. Gio took another deep breathe and I was brought back to the here and now and began to smile. I smiled listening to Gio and Isa softly breathing and knowing that we all found our place and way through this family.

The kids did so well on our adventure to a LI mall without strollers that I promised them a treat. Let’s just say I look at pez dispensers in an entirely different way and Strawberry Shortcake didn’t make me happy today. 

The kids are enjoying the very last candy dispensed by Strawberry Shortcake as we stroll the aisles at Walmart when Gio loudly claims that he needs to pee. I immediately head in the direction of the family bathroom as my mom and Isa trail slowly behind us. I park the shopping cart and take my sweet little man to the bathroom while Isa waits with Nonna. I carefully line the toilet seat in preparation of Gio’s use. He is excited and ready. I get him on and squat in front of him while holding him steady. All of the sudden I feel wet and see a stream of water shooting from the bowl up then down on my pants like a perfect fountain stream. I’m in a bit of shock before I truly realize it’s Gio’s pee. I immediately look down to see he is holding the Strawberry Shortcake pez dispenser in his right hand inside of pushing his peeshie down. I tell him to hold it down as I’m moving out of the line of fire. He shouts Strawberry Shortcake. Meaning it’s in his hand and he doesn’t want to let it go so he can’t push his peeshie down. At this point, I’m struggling to remove Strawberry Shortcake while balancing away from the pee and holding him on the toilet steady so he doesn’t fall to see that his pants, underwear along with my pants are covered in pee. I look at him, look at the streaming pee that is never ending and the puddle on the floor and just give up. Let him finish his business as he sadly proclaims that he didn’t pee in his pants because he made it to the potty in time. He then reassures me that he is ok. I get him down and I tip toe my way over the pee, walk out the door to flag my mom so she can bring me his spare set of clothes. She then asked if he made it in time. I look at her, look down at my pants and say he made it in time. After I washed and cleaned Gio I began cleaning the floor and bathroom before walking out feeling defeated. Let’s just say I no longer like pez dispensers especially the one’s with Strawberry Shortcakes head. 

There are confusions, dark clouds and fear all around us. It’s up to us to clear our vision and strengthen our stance to walk strongly through it all. We must be still and silent so we can hear the words of encouragement in the distance. In our time of weakness we need to look within ourselves and find the courage that we bury deep down and let it come to surface. Find the beauty around us and take the love and hope it provides so that we can lift ourselves up and float through the pain and confusion. Things are never perfect and some people will hurt you but it’s what you do with that hurt that molds you. Everything that led up to right now helped make you the person you are and continues to create the person you will be. We need to be stronger than them. We need to believe in our heart that God is holding us in his arms and watching over all the things that need to be in your life. He won’t let you fall without being your pillow of strength and light. That doesn’t mean we will not get bruised. It means the bruises will only be on the surface but the healing power underneath the surface is what will make them fade in time.

Always have a focus point. It’s your picture of inspiration, hope, unconditional love and healing. I have mine and they are adorably cute. 

It’s the little things in everything. Never forget to take a moment to be still and silent so that you can see even with all the confusion and commotion.